Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Day 8: A Photo That Makes Me Sad

I know it's odd that this picture makes me sad, but it does. This was taken a little over 2 years ago, when I was living in Sacramento on my own. I was at my lowest weight ever, 145 pounds. I was able to wear that outfit for the length of about 3 months before I gained too much weight to wear it anymore.

This picture makes me sad because I looked so good and I'll never look like that again. I was really happy with my body at that point and I'd love to get there again.

I think this picture also kind of captures my independence in one shot. I had my own apartment in midtown Sacramento, I was on the Dean's list at school with a 3.9 GPA, and I was working full time. I was able to take care of myself and I was doing just fine. I had great friends around me, but I didn't need them to provide for me (not financially, anyway; my friend Kat was ALWAYS there for me emotionally and I'm forever grateful to her for helping me deal with stuff I was unable to deal with on my own); I was just starting to date and I was just really really enjoying life.

Not that I don't enjoy my life now. I LOVE my life. I love being a wife and mommy-to-be, and when Princess arrives, I'm going to love being a mommy. I love my job (most days) and I love the way my family has grown. I do want to get back in school and earn my degree, but I know the chances of that happening are really low, which makes me sad.

Most of all, I want to get back to that weight. I still have the jeans (they're the only ones I've ever bought from American Eagle) just in case they ever happen to fit again. Once Princess arrives, I'm going to start running again, since that's what got me where I was in this picture. I'm already eating better since Princess likes fruits and veggies and doesn't have much of a sweet-tooth. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up the good habits Princess has made me start living once she arrives. I want to be healthy for her sake; I want her to know how to make the right choices in taking care of herself; I want her to enjoy healthy habits so she never has to deal with body image issues like her mommy has.
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